omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
