i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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