your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
