i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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