You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
