I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
