i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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