Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
