How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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