hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
