You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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