well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
