I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
