he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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