I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
