what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
