I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
