I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
love makes seman taste better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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