Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
