i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
