i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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