Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
