I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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