i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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