what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
