I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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