Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
