Plan B is the new Plan A
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
