so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
