They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will pee on everything he values.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
