nutella sex= disaster
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
