Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
