Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
