Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
