Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize