Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
