I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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