I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
