she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
