We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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