My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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