So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize