His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
