Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
