if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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