legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
