alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
