Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
