no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
