I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
