Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
