I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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