in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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