I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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