I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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