idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize