now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
