dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
