You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
