Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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