he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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