just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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