Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
