There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
