She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
