Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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