I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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