awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
