I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We're too hungover to prance.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
