I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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