this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
