Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
