I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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