I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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