So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
