I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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