im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
