I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
