roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
