the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
