There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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