i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
