sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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