i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
