your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
